I Close My Eyes

I close my eyes
and the world spins,

I close my eyes
and the tears well up,

they are never far away,
they are just
always right behind my eyes,
always
on the verge of
spilling
over,

because my
heart is in a constant
state of sadness,
of emotional
pain
because
I
will
never
have
who
I want.
or have
anyone period.

I am sad
because
not only
am I not loved by
the one I love,
but because I will never
be loved at all.

I will live alone,
and die alone.