I...

I move,
I walk,
I laugh,
I joke,
I read,
I write,
I drive,

I do
this
things and I love them,
yet I also do things
I wish I
didn't.

things that
I can't help,
much as I try,
but that I can only hide.

I play off my
hurt,
my hurt
that I
have
inside my heart,
every day.


I hide my dissapoiment,
and I hide
that I don't like being dissapointed
because I already
have to live every day
with the pain
of not having the relationship I
want,
or a relationship.

I cry,
I hurt,
I get emotionally exhausted
and some days I
wish I could just leave everything
behind and
leave,
go somewhere
new,
somewhere I don;t know
anyone
and become Emily 2.,
model my life
after her.

I don't say the things
I feel but am not supposed to feel let
alone say,
I say the things am supoosed to
say and feel,
though am not
sure if I really feel them
or if am trying to
convenience
myself I do,
like convening yourself
the grapes you couldn't
reach are sour...

I want to
travel,
I want to
teach overseas,
but what I desire,
is to be loved
in that special way.